i took a break from the blog last week to eat mashed potatoes with my family. i’m flattered if you noticed but not offended if you didn’t. i’m in the midst of what you might call a transition period at the moment, i.e. i’m spending two weeks living out of a suitcase between the last phase of my life and the next.
suddenly and unceremoniously, i am no longer a restaurant server. about a month ago, i got a message on linkedin asking if i’d be interested in interviewing for a position at a company i’d never heard of. because i assume everything on linkedin is either a weird AI thing, some wannabe CEO with an ego problem going on about “loyalty”, or just a flat out scam, i didn’t think much of it, and didn’t respond.
as it turns out, in a rare turn of events, i was wrong. the message was real! the job was real. and i got it.
i put in my two weeks at the wine bar i’ve worked at for two years, two days before i left town for two weeks. my last day was, bizarrely, the day after i quit. during that final shift, i kept waiting for my feelings to catch up to reality: i might never again serve a table. i might never again forget to put in someone’s order. i might never again suffer the ever-original “i hated it!”, in facetious response to an obviously clean plate.
i turned the lights off, i locked the doors, i put the chairs up on the tables. no one thanked me, or said “good luck!”, because everyone had gone home. beside the usual relief of closing time, there was an eeriness i could have easily mistaken for sadness. sometimes i’ll say i’m sad because i can’t think of anything more specific or descriptive. this time the distinction felt obvious, and i was only sad because i didn’t feel like i felt sad enough.
there’s nothing all that special about getting a job at a company, unless you are like me and avoid working for companies. this is a momentous moment for me in that i’m actually looking forward to surrendering to bamboo HR. i’m ready for the challenge, the steady paycheck, doing something that makes practical use of the gifts and skills i’ve worked hard to hone. it’s a travel app. it’s tech. it’s simple. i’m writing itineraries and blogging and posting tiktoks and dreaming – nothing i don’t already do for free.
i asked god for a miracle and that’s what i got. sitting at dinner on a mexico city terrace last night, all i could think was how excited i am – that i’ll be able to afford a little artisan bowl for my olive pits.
i don’t think i ever saw my life going any sort of way, which is is why it always feels so weird to see it taking a specific direction. i’m commitment-phobic in part because i’m addicted to the wide open field that is having options, always scared to choose because i’m scared to choose wrong. i’m sure i’ve written about this before.
the only wrong choice is never choosing at all; i’ve loved restaurants all this time because they’re what i call a soft choice. they don’t demand your whole life, they don’t put you on some predetermined trajectory. you could end up anywhere both during and at the conclusion of your journey. a restaurant job is a beautiful, free, flexible space to grow with your life and not against it. a restaurant job is the train from spirited away.
i feel about taking this new job the way i felt when i moved to salt lake. there were questions, sure – reservations, even. but deep down, beneath the apprehensive squirming and incurable case of FOMO i caught from the lifestyle influencers i never unfollowed, there’s a certain clarity i know never to argue with.
on saturday, in new jersey, i’ll be sad, point blank, mourn a too-short life with my family at my cousin’s funeral service.
on monday, in salt lake, i’ll drive 30 minutes to my office, hope the coffee is good, and start again, anew.
i’ll tell you about mexico later.
obsession of the week
the santa elena cocktail at baltra bar in la condesa, mexico city. if i were the mixologist that came up with this one, i’d be kissing myself in the mirror right about now. elicited a very extreme omg.
I’m so happy for you Allie :)) makin some big gorl moves