it’s funny how some things are worth waiting for. it was raining, odd for january, and i stood starving and hungover at the stove, stirring my scrambled eggs with an unwavering patience that, given my desperation, felt out of place. no hunger is worth rushing my scrambled eggs, i thought. i find i can’t say the same of much else.
on the night of the capricorn full moon, i pulled my tarot cards out of their designated drawer for the first time in months. i held the stack of them in my left hand, physically searching for the hum of their power, as i do every time i go seeking their wisdom. i pulled three cards, asking no questions in particular other than what do i need to know?
king of pentacles, reversed. page of swords, reversed. and then, nearly knocking the wind out of me, justice – upright.
i only just watched the shawshank redemption for the first time. as the credits poured onto the screen i remembering thinking finally; it delivered a deep emotional satisfaction i’ve been searching for elsewhere in film recently, and haven’t found.
i underestimated shawshank due to its frequent position within the top 5 of “best __ movies of all time” lists across the internet. joining it, often, are titles like the godfather, which i personally deemed a vastly overrated male manipulator classic (further evidenced by its being the punchline of a joke in the barbie movie).
shawshank is different. shawshank transcends its inherent tragedy, speaking thoughtfully to life’s checks and balances, pitting hope against intellectual realism, and exemplifying the ways in which our suffering both makes and destroys us.
his judgement cometh
and that right soon
a cross-stitched sigil on the prison warden’s wall. what’s interesting about this phrase is that it’s not in the bible at all. in various quora and reddit threads about the aphorism, christians object to it as a mere 19th century quip, arguing that god’s judgement is, rather, patient and merciful. if his judgement cometh at all, it won’t be right soon. it will, however, be sudden, so i don’t really see the difference.
but the day of the lord will come like a thief. the heavens will disappear with a roar; the elements will be destroyed by fire, and the earth and everything done in it will be laid bare.
2 peter 3:10
the victorians were nothing if not shameless fearmongers, but damn did they master the art of drama. that framed embroidery stuck out to me in the movie for its karma’s a bitch symbolism, but also because it reminded me that, just a week earlier, i’d pulled the justice card. that the justice card had pulled me.
i felt scared as though some tarot spirit had carved an X into my back. what sin would i finally pay for? was this my fall from grace? who but someone with a guilty conscience would take this shit so literally?
i don’t go looking for retribution. i avoid using the word deserve. compassionate justice isn’t consequence, but the natural balancing of life’s polarities. i don’t know if “karma” is always as direct and intentional as it can feel. is it possible our experience of karma is a mere placebo effect? do we blame our wins and our losses on our own actions, only because we’re conscious enough to regret them, or not?
“bad luck,” andy says, during his final conversation with red as a prisoner. “it floats around. it’s got to land on somebody. it was my turn, that’s all.”
some things are worth waiting for, but it’s not justice, or fairness, which can sometimes feel like pounding on a soundproof steel wall, no matter which side of it you’re on.
the great scale is an invisible thing, tipping on its own accord, in its own time. do we have any say, beyond our meek hope that we’ll be spared another day?
despite what this may sound like, i’m not sitting back, resigned, letting the bleakness of the world fill me like a glass bottle poised to break. i’m holding on to what’s solid: a spatula, a fork. right soon means almost nothing, so i might as well make the eggs right.
obsession of the week
youtube pilates. it’s like ballet barre, except you’re mostly lying on the floor, which is obviously a win. i haven’t shelled out the coin to try a reformer class yet, but i’m enjoying this channel so much, i don’t even feel the need. nicole’s “classes” are perfect for when you only have 20 minutes, but you want to feel significantly hotter than you did before you started. also, her accent is endearing, which is important.
Hola , Excelentes Reflexiones. Cuando Comentas Está Frase: La Justicia Compasiva No Es Una Consecuencia Sino El Equilibrio Natural De Las Polaridades De La Vida , Después De Hablar De La Película El Padrino , Me Acorde De Otra Película Que También Es Un Clásico Manipulador Masculino: La Letra Escarlata 1973 De Wim Wenders , Sobre El Libro De Nathaniel Hawthome. Un Saludo.