there is so much love left to feel and all the time in the world to feel it, if i am both generous and gentle with myself and the objects of my affection, which i intend to be.
love and the median dandelions have returned simultaneously as if on the same gust of wind. i felt so sure i’d used that metaphor before that i command + F searched the blog for it, but came up empty.
my toxic trait is i go on and on talking about all the time in the world, but then can’t bring myself to sit down for an evening and over-analyze my inner world for you folks to pore over. for those who most desperately desire it, time turns itself from water into wine. i tend to forget that when i’m dehydrated or wine drunk, or, god forbid, both, which is not uncommon, both fortunately and unfortunately for me.
what’s happened to me these past few weeks is between me and the moon, who has bore witness to a joyful unfolding i can only attribute to a lucky spin of life’s wheel. in the span of a month, i won two games of pool, which has never happened in my life, and i am actually quite proud to report. i threw one snowball. i ate three girl scout cookies at sunset. i had four, maybe five migraines. i made at least six friends in the bathroom. i lost myself in a dance at the bar and regained consciousness to the sound of applause for said dance. i can’t overstate the cinema of it all.
after work, i did pilates and tried not to look at myself in the mirror. this is sort of like edging if you have leo placements and are not currently on your period.
A and i were in jackson hole all weekend and i had a sneaking feeling i had missed the arrival of some neighborhood flowers while we were gone, and thus set out to scope my usual route for newcomers. i discovered what i thought was dame’s rocket is actually called “annual honesty,” which made me laugh out loud for reasons that are obvious to me, and may be obvious to you, too, depending on what’s going on in your life right now.
i keep looking back in my journal for inspiration and returning empty-handed like that failed command + F. commensurate to my lore, i don’t write much when i’m happy. this is silly and unadvised because it tends to look on paper as if i have never had a good day in my life, which is simply not the case, and a notion i’m prepared to fight in court should it come to that.
did you know johnny cash and june carter were not talking about jackson, wyoming in their iconic smash hit, “jackson”? they weren’t talking about jackson, mississippi, either, but rather jackson, tennessee, which i had no idea existed. this, of course, did not stop us from inserting our own reality while singing it on the way to our very fancy sushi dinner, ogling at the hundreds of concert-goers dressed in cartoonish western wear.
it is decidedly more bearable to go from spring to winter to spring again than it is the inverse. i’ll never forget the trauma of last year’s mid-march miami sunburn, only return to an unseasonable snowstorm. this weekend, i didn’t mind the northward drive through the flurries, listening to rick rubin’s monkish drawl and imagining the biting cold of the river meandering alongside us. i had never been on that road before. in those moments it was more like watching a movie than starring in one.
i paused on the street adjacent to the one on which i live, noticing myself noticing the adolescent green leaves of what i recognized as common sunflowers. minus the sunflowers. the more you live in the world, the easier you can foresee the future, not with some psychic prowess as much as a basic observation of the way things are and tend to be. because i recognize with certainty the sunflower’s leaves, is it not only common sense that their blooms will soon follow?
so much of my life is en route as we speak. there is so much love left to feel and all the time in the world to feel it.
obsession of the week
this made-up adaptation of a tiktok recipe. i mixed ground beef with half a shallot, harissa, za’atar, fresh basil, feta, and salt & pepper, then cooked it in butter in a pan. served between two labneh-slathered pieces of mini naan from whole foods, topped with a kale slaw that includes diced tomato, spicy pickles, lemon juice, & olive oil. don’t forget to massage that kale. she’s had a super long day and it would really mean a lot to her.
Legit had a journal growing up that was “sad thoughts”. Not sure why, most the time I write when I’m not happy, anyway.😆